Sunday, May 19, 2013

The Villain in Star Trek: Into Darkness is...

   ...Khan. You thought that I was going to go on and on about that, didn't you? Well, I'm not that kind of guy. If this is what you came here to see, now you've seen it. If you want to know my thoughts on the movie, you can read on. If not, I hope you're happy. I am not making some sort of joke. The villain is Khan. Plain and simple. Goodbye.
   Now, let's talk about the movie. I... enjoyed it. I thought it was an entertaining, action-packed movie in general. I thought the special effects were fantastic; some of the best I've ever seen. I kind of think it was a bit too similar to Wrath of Khan. Not that I'm complaining, but didn't that happen in the five-year mission? Not immediately before it? I mean, I get why they did it differently. They didn't want audiences to feel like they were just watching the same movie. But if they didn't want them to think it was unoriginal, why didn't they make it original? Just because Khan has to be in it doesn't mean half of Wrath of Khan does, too. I might have enjoyed it more if it was a totally original story where the villain happened to be Khan. I mean, the plot wasn't exactly like Wrath of Khan, I just feel like there were a few too many send-ups. Or beam-ups.
   I did enjoy the movie, though. There were funny parts, awesome parts, scary parts, all sorts of parts. It was a movie that consisted of many, many parts. I like that. Some movies only have one part, or have a lot of parts, but you have to put them together (Memento). I am a small fan of Abrams' work, and this spectacle was no exception. Sure, it wasn't perfect. No movie is (but from the looks of it, Anchorman 2 might be). But it was satisfactory.
   The only other thing I really didn't like about this movies was that the characters had different personalities and relationships from the ones in the original series. I mean, Nimoy plays future Spock, which implies that they are, in fact, the exact same crew from the original series. And yet, Kirk isn't very Shatner-y at all, Spock has emotions and feelings, Uhura is dating Spock, everyone is thin and good-looking, et cetera. It just isn't the Star Trek that people now and... like. Not that there's anything wrong with that. B

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Iron Man 3 Is Pretty Good

I... I really don't know what to say about this. It was funny, it was monotone, it was mind-blowing, it was boring, it was all-in-all a pretty good movie. That's really all I have to say about it. I'm stumped. I don't want to give away too much about the plot, but there's nothing else to say. Do you want me to spoil it? I mean, if you don't I'll just tell you what I think of it. I think it's a solid B or B+ movie. If you have the time, see it. If you don't have the time, you just want to know what happens, then read on
Is he gone? Good, that guy's the worst. So, in the beginning, Tony recounts a story; something that happened to him in Switzerland in 1999. He met a guy in an elevator who was doing some sort of genetic shit, and he wanted to collaborate with Tony. Tony declined, but made sure to hurt the guy's feelings one last time before they part ways. Why? I don't know, because he's ugly. He also met a girl who was doing some similar genetic shit, and let's just say that she and Tony had an invigorating business conversation. Fast forward to the present day, after the whole "alien robot worms coming out of a hole in the sky while a demigod pretends he's clever" thing. Tony has trouble sleeping, so he does machines, but not in the same way that Donatello does machines, that's disgusting. He makes machines. He also buys Pepper a giant bunny, which is why there's a giant bunny in the trailer. This is boring. I'm going to go a little faster. The Mandarin is killing people, he blows up Tony's house, a child in Tennessee, where it is snowing despite it being Tennessee in the fall, the Mandarin kidnaps Pepper and Rhodes, he doesn't exist, the real villain, the guy who was doing that genetic shit I talked about earlier, kidnaps Tony, some messed up shit happens, Rhodes flies the president to safety in his Iron Patriot suit, Pepper dies, no she doesn't, the villain dies, no he doesn't, yes he does, Tony blows up all his outfits, gets rid of the electromagnet, and gives a bunch of his science equipment to the kid in Tennessee somehow, Tony finishes off the movie by saying he will always be Iron Man, insanely long credits, it turns out he was telling all of that to his therapist, who isn't a therapist, just a doctor, the doctor fell asleep around the part about the elevator in Switzerland, Marvel logo, Paramount logo, other logo, text that reads "Tony Stark will return," everyone already knows he will, in Avengers 2, the end.
Now, I didn't exactly ruin everything. You could see the movie and still enjoy it despite me having told you all of this. But probably not as much.