Sunday, May 5, 2013

Iron Man 3 Is Pretty Good

I... I really don't know what to say about this. It was funny, it was monotone, it was mind-blowing, it was boring, it was all-in-all a pretty good movie. That's really all I have to say about it. I'm stumped. I don't want to give away too much about the plot, but there's nothing else to say. Do you want me to spoil it? I mean, if you don't I'll just tell you what I think of it. I think it's a solid B or B+ movie. If you have the time, see it. If you don't have the time, you just want to know what happens, then read on
Is he gone? Good, that guy's the worst. So, in the beginning, Tony recounts a story; something that happened to him in Switzerland in 1999. He met a guy in an elevator who was doing some sort of genetic shit, and he wanted to collaborate with Tony. Tony declined, but made sure to hurt the guy's feelings one last time before they part ways. Why? I don't know, because he's ugly. He also met a girl who was doing some similar genetic shit, and let's just say that she and Tony had an invigorating business conversation. Fast forward to the present day, after the whole "alien robot worms coming out of a hole in the sky while a demigod pretends he's clever" thing. Tony has trouble sleeping, so he does machines, but not in the same way that Donatello does machines, that's disgusting. He makes machines. He also buys Pepper a giant bunny, which is why there's a giant bunny in the trailer. This is boring. I'm going to go a little faster. The Mandarin is killing people, he blows up Tony's house, a child in Tennessee, where it is snowing despite it being Tennessee in the fall, the Mandarin kidnaps Pepper and Rhodes, he doesn't exist, the real villain, the guy who was doing that genetic shit I talked about earlier, kidnaps Tony, some messed up shit happens, Rhodes flies the president to safety in his Iron Patriot suit, Pepper dies, no she doesn't, the villain dies, no he doesn't, yes he does, Tony blows up all his outfits, gets rid of the electromagnet, and gives a bunch of his science equipment to the kid in Tennessee somehow, Tony finishes off the movie by saying he will always be Iron Man, insanely long credits, it turns out he was telling all of that to his therapist, who isn't a therapist, just a doctor, the doctor fell asleep around the part about the elevator in Switzerland, Marvel logo, Paramount logo, other logo, text that reads "Tony Stark will return," everyone already knows he will, in Avengers 2, the end.
Now, I didn't exactly ruin everything. You could see the movie and still enjoy it despite me having told you all of this. But probably not as much.