Saturday, June 29, 2013

The Movies I'm Looking Forward To- Translation Edition

Hello. If you don't remember, the other day I made a list of all the movies I want to see the rest of the year. I modified the list in a few ways, and it was hilarious. So, I've decided to continue this list, with one difference: I'll be translating it from English to other languages back to English. Here it is translated to Chinese to English to Chinese to English to Chinese to English:

Despicable Me two
In this way, on the way back
Coffee making makes the town
Mortgage registration
Machining a moron
In the lounge
to-do list
We are a Muller
Kicking two
Walk of war
There are two possibilities Meatballs Cloudy
Machetes and enemies
Free Bird
Ender's Play
Last year in Las Vegas
MIGHTY THOR: The Dark World
Wolves on Wall Street
Hunger Games: Fire Services Department
Delivery person
Hobbit: Smaug (Despite I do not like the first a bleak)
President's Bank of aid
Moderator: The Legend Continues
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Now, here it is translated into the top five most common languages and then back to English:

Toad of birth 2
Lone Ranger
Path, the way back
Person Town
Proceedings of the mortgage
Stupid Treatment
Rest in peace
Task List
The Miller
Two kick
The end of the world
With clouds of meat as much as possible
On sickle
Free Bird
Last year, Las Vegas
Thor: Dark World
Wolf of Wall Street
Hunger and Games: Fire
Person Output
Hobbit: smaug (I hate solitary ago)
Store Mr. Banks
Musharraf: Continuing Story
Secret Life of Walter beds

Now, through all ten:

Despicable Remember Me 2
D Ranger
Method and then again
City shops
History of the mortgage
knees Laser
I sleep in peace
duty List
One-two punch
last world
Meat and clouds, as much as possible
Lander game
Latest of the Las Vegas
Thor: Jolt the World
Wolf from Wall Street
Hunger Games: Fire
the weekend
(I hate loneliness ago) Smog: The Hobbit
To save Sir Banks
Continue stories: Musharraf
An incognito life from Walter bed

End transmission.

Friday, June 28, 2013

The Movies I'm Looking Forward To

Just so everyone gets a clear perception of what my taste in movies is, here's a list of every movie I'm looking forward to for the rest of the year.

The Heat
Despicable Me 2
The Lone Ranger
The Way, Way Back
Coffee Town
Pawn Shop Chronicles
Dealing With Idiots
The Wolverine
The To-Do List
We're The Millers
Kick-Ass 2
The World's End
Walk of Shame
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2
Machete Kills
Free Birds
Ender's Game
Last Vegas
Thor: The Dark World
The Wolf of Wall Street
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Delivery Man
The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug (even though I hated the first one)
Saving Mr. Banks
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Now, here they are translated into Danish:

foragtelige mig 2
den enlige ranger
den måde, helt tilbage
kaffe town
bonde butik krøniker
beskæftiger sig med idioter
to-do liste
vi er de Millers
kick-ass 2
Verdens Ende
gå af skam
Overskyet med en chance for frikadeller 2
Machete dræber
fri fugle
Ender s spil
sidste Vegas
Thor: den mørke verden
ulven af Wall Street
The Hunger Games: Catching brand
levering mand
The Hobbit: Den øde Smaug (selvom jeg hadede den første)
besparelse mr. banker
ankermand 2: legenden fortsætter
Den hemmelige liv Walter Mitty

Now, here it is with every third word removed and replaced with "gumdrops":

The Heat
Gumdrops Me 2
Gumdrops Lone Ranger
Gumdrops Way, Way Gumdrops
Coffee Town
Gumdrops Shop Chronicles
Gumdrops With Idiots
The Gumdrops
The To-Gumdrops List
We're Gumdrops Millers
Kick-Gumdrops 2
The Gumdrops' End
Walk Gumdrops Shame
Cloudy Gumdrops a Chance Gumdrops Meatballs 2
Gumdrops Kills
Free Gumdrops
Ender's Game
Gumdrops Vegas
Thor: Gumdrops Dark World
Gumdrops Wolf of Gumdrops Street
The Gumdrops Games: Catching Gumdrops
Delivery Man
The Hobbit: Gumdrops Desolation of Gumdrops (even though gumdrops hated the gumdrops one)
Saving Gumdrops Banks
Anchorman Gumdrops: The Legend Gumdrops
The Gumdrops Life of Gumdrops Mitty

Now here it is with every adjective replaced with "counterclockwise" and every verb replaced with "festoon":

The Heat
Counterclockwise Me 2
The Counterclockwise Ranger
The Counterclockwise, Counterclockwise Back
Coffee Town
Pawn Shop Chronicles
Festooning With Idiots
The Wolverine
The To-Festoon List
We'stoon The Millers
Festoon-Ass 2
The World's End
Walk of Shame
Counterclockwise With a Chance of Meatballs 2
Machete Festoons
Counterclockwise Birds
Ender's Game
Counterclockwise Vegas
Thor: the Counterclockwise World
The Wolf of Wall Street
The Hunger Games: Festooning Fire
Delivery Man
The Hobbit: the Festooning of Smaug
Festooning Mr. Banks
Anchorman 2: The Legend Festoons
The Counterclockwise Life of Walter Mitty

And finally, here's the list with every possible word replaced with a synonym:

The Fervor
Contemptible I II
The Solitary Forester
The Far, Far Behind
Cafe Burg
Pledge Manufactory Fasti
Managing Nitwits
RITB (Relax In Tranquility Branch)
The Carcajou
The To-Achieve Tabulation
We Be the Millers
Boot-Keister II
The Microcosm's Extent
Jaunt of Chagrin
Gloomy Accompanying a Speculation of Victualorbs
Sickle Extirpates
Enfranchised Fowl
Ender's Frolic
Aftermost Vegas
Thor: the Cimmerian Microcosm
The Wolf of Bulwark Byway
The Appetence Festivities: Ensnaring Phlogiston
Conveyance Guy
The Hobbit: the Waste of Smaug 
Redeeming Monsieur Countinghouses
Newscaster II: the Narrative Lingers
The Abstruse Existence of Walter Mitty

Thursday, June 27, 2013

The 10 Most Disappointing Superhero Movies of All Time

Well, I've finally done it. I've compiled a list of the most disappointing superhero movies of all time. It was hard, man. With so many choices it was hard to narrow it down to ten. There are probably a few really disappointing movies that I couldn't fit onto the list. Now, keep in mind, this is not a list of the worst superhero movies, so I can't include something like Daredevil or Elektra, because no one was expecting them to be fantastic. Don't be surprised if a few bad superhero movies don't make it onto the list. So, without further adieu, here's the list. Note: I've attached Amazon links to these in case you wanted to buy them for whatever reason.

#10: Batman Forever

Yes, we're kicking off the list by the sequel to Batman Returns that was something completely different. Yes, it's quite obvious that the original cast did not have a good feeling about this odd, campy sequel. They replaced Michael Keaton with Val Kilmer, Michael Murphy with George Wallace, and Billy Dee Williams with Tommy Lee Jones. I don't really get that last one. Anyway, there are several reasons I put this so low on the list. First of all, no matter how bad a Batman he is, Kilmer is a great Bruce Wayne. Second, I love Jim Carrey's Riddler. Usually. Third, it wasn't awful, it was just... not what I was expecting. It's like if you were listening to 80s Rock on Pandora and a Britney Spears song came up. It's certainly not terrible, it's just not right. It shouldn't be there. I also think that a lot of people agreed that Batman Returns was a really weird movie, and after hearing that Schumacher, who was best known for The Lost Boys at the time, was directing, I don't think people had the highest hopes for this movie.
But fucking Tommy Lee Jones, man.

#9: Iron Man 2

*Sigh* Iron Man 2. I don't even know what to say about this. It's just... fucking Iron Man 2. It doesn't even deserve italics. This could have been a good movie. The villain had a lot of potential. Don Cheadle is a much better War Machine than Terrence Howard. Nick Fury is in it. So where did they go wrong? Well, the problem with this movie is that it deserved a serious movie. This was obviously just killing time until The Avengers, so why bother putting a villain like Whiplash in it? Iron Man has 61 villains in his rogues gallery, and most of them suck, so why put in an interesting one? Now, granted, they made Whiplash suck, but somehow that's much worse than just putting a bad villain in it. They should have either taken it seriously or not. But the producers thought they could make a terrible script and then take it seriously. The result is the worst Iron Man movie and possibly the worst movie in the whole Avengers franchise.

#8: Watchmen

Okay, I know a lot of people liked this movie. Some people might say it's the most faithful comic book adaptation of all time. I just... don't like it. I think the acting isn't very good, the story is too confusing, and it seems like it was made specifically for people who've read the comic. That just doesn't seem like how it should be done. I think when making a comic book movie, it should introduce audiences to the comic rather than making them feel bad for not reading it. I don't know if they were going for some kind of mystery about who killed Ed Blake, but it was pretty obvious. People tell me that I just didn't "get" this movie; that I need to read the comic or else I'm not going to get the full experience. That is not how movies should work.

#7: The Incredible Hulk

Ah, yes. The Incredible Hulk. This movie may very well be the worst in Edward Norton's career. It's not that this is the worst movie of all time, it's just not good. You can clearly tell that the two writers had very different visions for this movie. There's a lack of consistency throughout. Now, granted, the 2003 one was even worse, but this one... was just not good. With a great cast like Ed Norton, William Hurt, and Liv Free or Ty Hard, you'd think they'd be able to make something out of this. But nope. They didn't. There were some decent superhero movies in 2008, like Iron Man, Hancock, and Hellboy 2. There were also some bad ones like Superhero Movie and Punisher 2. This movie, unfortunately, falls into the latter category.

#6: Superman III

Why did I put two pictures up for this movie? Well, the first one is from the original DVD and the original poster art for the movie, while the second one is from the more recent Deluxe Edition. Notice any differences? Yes, that's right, Richard Pryor is mysteriously absent on the more recent cover despite his prominent role in the movie. Now, why would this movie want to distance itself from Richard Pryor? Other than his character, though, this isn't a terrible movie. What makes it terrible is that they gave a great comedian like Richard Pryor such an ungodly annoying part, thereby wasting his comedic talents. So, while this isn't the worst Superman movie (there were three after it), it was definitely the start of a negative trend and a huge disappointment compared to the second one.

#5: Hulk

Yep. The bad one. The one that is so bad that the studio had to hire another director to do damage control with another reboot less than ten years later (See: Superman, Spiderman). This movie is so bad that you can just take a look at the information surrounding the movie and know it's bad. It had a $62,000,000 opening weekend but never cracked $150 million in the US. It made more than a quarter of its entire overall gross on opening weekend in the US. People saw it, hated it, didn't see it again, encouraged their friends not to see it, and the movie made 70% less in its second week compared to its first. You don't even need to read the Wikipedia synopsis to know that it's a bad movie, but it helps.  "One year later, Bruce is shown working as a doctor in a rainforest. Some soldiers try to steal some medical supplies from the camp, and Bruce confronts them, telling them 'Don't make me angry! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!' as the loud roar of the Hulk can be heard and the screen fades to green." Yep.

#4: Man of Steel

This movie had a lot of potential. With Zack Snyder in the director's chair and the old Nolan-Goyer team behind two good Batman movies, this movie seemed like it would be fantastic. In fact, everyone tried really hard to like this movie, and quite a few succeeded. Unfortunately, some people didn't. So, what did we weaklings not like about this movie? Well, for one thing, in a similar fashion to The Hunger Games, the camera was too shaky. Sometimes, it was even shakier. For another, like Star Trek, there were too many lens flares. But once again, it's even worse in this. There's even a lens flare on the poster in this one. For yet another, the editing was shit. The first hour jumped back and forth between Clark's childhood and adulthood, leaving little room to take in what just happened. The second half was basically one fight scene. Sure, it had a few twists and turns, but it was still one fight for the entire third act of the movie. The second act is very short and involves Zod informing Earth that there is a Kryptonian among them. This brings me to the final, and probably worst, complaint. The ending. First of all, Zod and Superman spend an hour pushing each other through buildings, but at the end Superman straight up snaps his neck. Was that an option? Why didn't anyone ever think of snapping Superman's neck, then? Also, when Zod dies Superman is devastated. It might take him months before he can... nope, everything's fine in the next scene. All in all, this movie sucks. It's not the worst thing I've ever seen (North, Twilight, Batman & Robin) but it might be the worst of the year (besides Oblivion and A Haunted House). And now we've reached the top three (technically five), the worst of the worst, the most disappointing superhero movies ever.

#3: Green Lantern

And then there's this asshole. Green Lantern was clearly supposed to lead into the upcoming Justice League movie, a la Marvel, even though Flash is the Iron Man of the Justice League, but after its failure, it was Man of Steel that had to carry that burden. Granted, Man of Steel wasn't very good either, but it made enough money to keep the franchise afloat. More accurately, it'll keep the franchise afloat for now, since the rest of the franchise will be delayed ad infinitum. Ryan Reynolds is a good actor. He was a really good choice to play Green Lantern, and also a really good choice to play Deadpool. He just fell victim to what we in the writing business call TERRIBLE WRITING. I could have written a better Green Lantern movie, one that would lead into Flash and Aquaman movies, and I'm a teenager. I also love how few and far between the posters are if you Google Image search "Green Lantern," as if even Google is embarrassed about this movie.

#2: (tie) Catwoman and Superman Returns

Yep. We've entered dangerous waters. Two movies that are so bad that no one is allowed to take them seriously (26th amendment). These movies are so bad that according to Amazon, their prices without the discount are both under ten dollars. That's not any sort of sale; neither of them is worth ten dollars. Let's examine each of them. Superman Returns is the fifth Superman movie and the second-worst one. And that's saying a lot, because only two of them are good. In it, spoiler alert, Superman returns after several years exploring the ruins of Krypton. When he returns, he finds that Lois Lane has moved on and has a child that is obviously his. This is the big twist at the end of the movie even though we know right when we see him that he belongs to Clark because why else would he be in the movie? Did they just put him in for shits and giggles? No. They didn't. Shut up. This movie does have a few redeeming qualities, though. The cast is great, the... actually, that's it. Everything else sucks. I can't say the same about Catwoman, though, because the cast also sucks. Catwoman is like a porno that someone tried to sneak into theaters on the flimsy pretense that it was a Catwoman movie, even though it has NOTHING TO DO WITH CATWOMAN, but then realized that they couldn't get the sex scenes into theaters and were left with a movie about a woman who wears an S&M outfit and acts like a cat. You know, Catwoman's thing isn't that she acts like a cat. She's cat-themed. It's like making a Batman movie where Batman steals fruit and screeches at robbers. Both of these movies were supposed to be the start of something new (High School Musical reference not intended), but they both bombed so horribly that they aren't even spoken of outside of comedy (also 26th amendment). "Wait a minute," you might say to me if I was telling this to you in person, "what could possibly be more disappointing than two of the worst movies of all time?" I would tell you in this hypothetical situation, "These."

#1: (tie) The Dark Knight Rises and Spider-Man 3

Well, here we are. Number one. The two most disappointing superhero movies of all time. You know, in normal circumstances, these movies wouldn't be so bad, but they were preceded by two of the best superhero movies of all time, so they had a lot on their plates. I think what makes these movies the most disappointing in their genre is that they're not terrible. They're bad, sure, but they're not terrible. So, if you went into the theater expecting what most people expected, a great ending to a great franchise, you would be disappointed. If you went in expecting a decent superhero movie, you would be disappointed. If you were expecting a movie that's so bad that it's funny, you would be disappointed. If you were expecting a movie that was just kinda bad, you wouldn't SEE IT. So, what makes these movies so bad?   That's a good question, me. Oh, thank me. I'm quite welcome. Anyway, a lot of people have seen TDKR and don't know what's wrong with it. Watch it again. Try to watch it with a critical eye; try to find flaws in the plot or the background or the characters or the everything because you will find two flaws in EVERY SINGLE SCENE! If you've seen Spiderman 3, you probably know what's bad about it. You might not know what's good about it because you were so hung up on the bad stuff that you couldn't enjoy a Spiderman movie. For one thing, the fight scenes are phenomenal. That's pretty much it.

So, there you have it. The most disappointing superhero movies of all time. Here are a few that I didn't mention because I was trying to think of ways to get rid of this thing on my couch: Batman and Robin, Superman IV, X-Men 3-5, the Fantastic Four movies, and others.
End transmission.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Monsters University Would Be the Best Pixar Movie in Years If It Weren't for ****ing Toy Story 3

Today I saw Monsters University, the latest movie from hit machine (if you don't count Cars 2) Pixar. While this isn't their best movie, it's definitely the best they've made in a long time. Or it would be, if it weren't for Toy Story 3. I swear to god, if that movie never happened, this would have been the best since Ratatouille, an astounding 6 years ago. Unfortunately, Toy Story 3 had to waltz right in and ruin everything. Of course, it's still better than a lot of Pixar movies. Brave, Cars 2, Cars, WALL-E, A Bug's Life, maybe even Up and the first Toy Story. Of course, it wasn't as good as the first Monsters, which is tied with The Incredibles for my all-time favorite Pixar movie, but it actually comes pretty close.
So, why is this movie so good? Well, first of all, For the first half of the movie, you think it's going to be something bland and predictable. Randall's team's going to win, the judges will find out that they cheated, Mike and Sully win it all, everything sunny all the time always. That... does not happen. In fact, if you haven't seen all the trailers, you might think that the final exam will be the end of it. Anyway, what happens at the end of the Scare Games, I should probably explain this.
So, the movie starts off with young Mike going on a field trip with his... kindergarten class? They never explain. Anyway, they go on a field trip to Monsters Incorporated, where they get to see a few famous scarers in action. It's there that Mike meets Frank McCay, played in a surprisingly John-Krasinski-like role by John Krasinski. Mike, being Mike, sneaks into the bedroom of the kid that Frank is scaring. The teacher gets worried, and everyone waits by the door for him to be brought back out. To everyone's surprise, Frank doesn't even notice Mike, and tells him that he could be a scarer someday himself. He even gives Mike his MU baseball cap, which fits him for some reason.
This is one of my only problems with the film. Frank brings up MU earlier in the prologue, claiming it to be the best school in the world. Another scarer, who is standing beside Frank, disagrees, claiming that FearTech is the best college. Wait, what? There are other colleges? That would imply that Monsters U is run by Monsters Inc. So, the business owns the college? And if it does, why do they accept scarers from other colleges? Why do other colleges have scaring programs? Does Monsters Inc. have any competition? Why have they never mentioned them? Did they go out of business? No, because FearTech still exists when Mike and Sully are in college. Why does the school seem so centered around one subject if there are so many other ones? It's clear that other schools have scaring programs. I'm rambling.
Then the opening sequence happens. And it is fantastic. Remember that door opening sequence from the first one? This is kind of like that, except it's fast-paced and nostalgic. I mean, really fast-paced. There's a stack of books at one point that says starring and then pans up, but it goes so fast that you can't read any of it. And it's still great. Not only do I think this is as good as the Monsters Inc. opening sequence, I think it's the best opening sequence Pixar has ever done.
Anyway, now Mike is eighteen all of a sudden. This is another problem I had with the movie. While the first one was more of a buddy comedy, this one is really all about Mike. In fact, Mike is the only character in that superfantastic opening sequence. I kind of want to know about Sully's childhood. Or Mike's, for that matter. We completely skip over about thirteen years of his life, although again, it's never clarified.
Okay, so I just deleted like, six paragraphs, so I'm just not going to spoil the rest. The ending is confusing, The Blue Umbrella is amazing, and after eight minutes of credits, there's an unsatisfying after-credits scene. A-

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Man of Steel Kinda Sucks

By the power of Grayskull, David Goyer, what happened to you? Remember when you used to write epic superhero movies? Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Now all you do is write video games and rush endings. It's as if Nolan hands you projects and you get really in to it, but then you just give up halfway through. And I'm not pleased with Nolan, either. This is his second highly anticipated, smash hit, disappointing movie in a row. What's next for you guys, anyway? Goyer is doing Godzilla, Metal Gear Solid, and Man of Steel 2? It's sad that the most likely to succeed out of those three movies is Godzilla. And there'd better be a Justice League movie before Man of Steel 2, one with a different director and different writer. And what's Nolan doing? Interstellar? Yeah, I'm sure that will be a smash hit؟ But anyway, enough about the people, let's talk about the movie.
At the beginning, we get a far-too-lengthy intro in which Jor decides to save his son Kal from the destruction of Krypton. But Zod gets mad and kills Jor. That's all. I don't think we needed ten minutes for that. In fact, I feel like the part where Zod stabs Jor should have been how the whole scene went. It was sudden and shocking. And hilarious. You were expecting there to be some sort of big fight that culminated in a devastating blow, but nope. Just a quick stab to the gut and Jor-El dies almost instantly. I think it would have been very funny if they didn't let any of that prologue sink in, and just sort of let it happen how it would have happened. Also, we see way too many shots of the baby's penis.
This sets the tone for the entire movie. Epic, confusing, and just plain boring. The first hour keeps cutting back and forth between adult Clark and child Clark, it's entirely too confusing. The last hour is basically one drawn-out fight that pits Superman, Lois, and the military against Zod. At the end, Superman snaps Zod's neck and kills him. I am DEAD SERIOUS. SUPERMAN KILLS THE FIRST VILLAIN HE ENCOUNTERS. In the end, Zod's ship and henchmen just kinda disappear or something, I think, and Superman takes on his bumbling reporter alter ego. This is different from the comics because Lois actually knows that Clark is Superman from the getgo. But yeah, it's really boring, really confusing, and in my opinion, Zod wasn't theatrical enough. There were no "kneel before Zod" moments. They also didn't show us the Phantom Zone, which is probably for the best because I would not have been able to take this movie seriously if they did. However, I do believe that if they could find the right writers, and the right directors, Justice League still has the potential to be something great. On a final note, in true Nolan fashion, during Superman and Zod's climactic fight scene, Supes throws Zod into a Lexcorp truck. Fuck yeah. All in all, I give this movie a B-. Why would I give it a B-? Because despite its flaws, there were also a few things I liked about this movie. And all in all, the good and the bad almost balance out.
Almost. It wasn't any worse than, say, The Dark Knight Rises. But that's not saying much. Let's hope that Wolverine, Kick-Ass 2, and Thor 2 are better.
End transmission!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Internship Is Disappointing

Well, The Internship came out, and I was excited. The old Wedding Crashers team back together again, a movie taking place mostly at Google HQ, there was very little that I wasn't excited about with this movie. Then I found out that none of the actual team from Wedding Crashers was involved with this movie, besides the two main actors. Then I found out that the creative team behind this one was Vince Vaughn, who only wrote two other movies: Couples Retreat and The Break-Up, and Shawn Levy, who only made one other good movie: Date Night. Other than that, he's made Real Steel, Night at the Museum, and all of those Steve Martin reboots. Then I read the reviews. But I was still giving this movie the benefit of the doubt. Plenty of good movies were unpopular in their time, like The Big Lebowski or... Wedding Crashers, actually, which got very mixed reviews when it was first released. This got my hopes up and I was looking forward to seeing The Internship.
I was not pleased. It's not that this was a terrible movie; it had potential. It just wasn't very funny. In fact, it was a bad movie in almost every aspect. For one thing, it was far too predictable. There was nothing new about this story, and the main characters weren't interesting. They were just 40-something Jeff Winger types who were down on their luck. In fact, now that I mention it, it's quite clear that this movie was going for a Community-type movie, but failed miserably. I don't think there was a single part of this movie that was funny enough for me to consider it somewhat worth my while.

Well, there was this one part. As you may have known from the trailers, Vince and Owen lose their jobs because they don't understand technology. I won't say how this made them lose their jobs, but it's very obvious. When Owen tells his sister about this incident, she suggests that he go work for her brother-in-law, played by Will Ferrell. At first, he adamantly denies, but we later see him working at the mattress store that his Will manages. This scene, this character, this setup, everything about this is just perfect. Unfortunately, Vince Vaughn ruins it by convincing Owen to come work for Google. I swear to god, this scene is the best scene I've seen all year. It is fucking hilarious. If Vince and Owen worked at that mattress store, or they didn't, and the whole movie was about Will Ferrell's character, that would have been fantastic. If this movie was every song on the radio right now, this scene would be Macklemore. It's that good. But... the rest of this movie sucks. So, overall, I give it a D+, because that one scene, coupled with the first two or three scenes in the movie, is enough to bring it up 20 percentage points. If you see this movie, and you get to this scene, and you don't think it's spectacular, watch the rest of the movie. I think you'll agree.

P.S. I'm working on that disappointing superhero movie list. School's out, so I'll have more time to think about it. It should be done within the next week.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Hangover 3 = Cars 2?

Today I saw The Hangover Part III. It was... funny? It wasn't as good as the first one, not by a long shot, but it was... decent. Definitely better than the second one, I'll tell you that much. The movie, about the Wolfpack taking one last trip to Vegas to recover $20 million in gold that Mr. Chow stole (that's really what it's about), definitely had a few surprises. Most of the jokes from the trailer were in the first couple minutes, although those were the best ones. All in all though, if you're looking for guy humor, this movie will deliver. It's almost hard to grade this movie because I have such mixed feelings about it. However, I have to, so I'll give it a C+. BTW, I'm changing my Iron Man 3 grade to A-. I would give Part 3 a higher grade, but the plot was just strange and stupid.
Which brings me to my next topic. The Hangover Part Three is Cars 2. Not necessarily the plot, but the movie itself. First, let's look at Cars 2, since I just told you about The Hangover Part Tres. Cars 2 is about Mater, a supporting character in Cars 1, accidentally getting involved in an international incident that almost kills his best friend. Kinda like how in The Hangover Part Trois, Alan accidentally gets involved in an international incident that almost kills his best man. Both movies got pretty mixed reviews, although Cars 2 is considered by most to be not the worst Pixar movie, everyone seems to have that one Pixar movie they despise. For me, it's A Bug's Life, and for my brother, it's WALL-E. Similarly, The Hangover Part Shalosh isn't the worst Hangover movie, that honor goes to the second one. I also have very mixed feelings about both of them. I think they're both decent movies, but I keep finding myself distracted by how stupid of a concept they are. I struggle to comprehend how someone would be taken seriously when they pitched these conflicts.
"Alright guys, here's my idea. The thing people didn't like about the first Cars movie was the plot, not the characters or the tone, right?"
"Obviously. What's your point?"
"Why don't we make the second movie a spy movie? Everyone loves spy movies, that's why The Pink Panther 2 and Get Smart did so well. And with these characters that everyone loves, it's a win-win!" Note: I liked Get Smart. There seems to be a trend in Steve Carrell movies that no one likes but me, like Evan Almighty or Burt Wonderstone. Moving on;
"OK, guys, here's the plan. You know why no one liked Part II? it was Part I all over again. So let's make something entirely different. Just think of everything no one would expect from a Hangover movie."
"OK, how about rehab? And a funeral? And a gold heist?"
"Perfect. There's our movie. We'll also be giving the annoyingly-voiced Asian guy a much bigger role."
"Sounds good."
Now, don't get me wrong. There are obviously a lot of differences between The Hangover Part ∞ and Cars 2. But I recommend them equally highly. Interpret that however you want. Also, a brief announcement. In a few weeks, I will be compiling a list of the top ten most disappointing superhero movies. See you then.