Monday, April 29, 2013

Seeing Robots For the First Time in Years

I thoroughly enjoyed the movie Robots when I was a kid. I don't remember why, I just remember it being a very good movie. My grandmother was over for my other grandmother's birthday. She was staying at my house. My little sister and I decided to have a movie night, just like old times. Unfortunately, nothing was showing at a convenient time, so we decided to buy a movie at Target, buy some movie snacks, and have our own little movie night in our basement. While we were there, My brother and I were perusing the DVD section looking for a good family movie to see (my sister is 8), when we came across Robots. I personally wanted to get Roger Rabbit, but Ben (not his real name) insisted on Robots. I thought we should keep an open mind and see what other movies they had. Nope, Robots. I eventually caved in and decided to see Robots again.
It sucked.
You may think I'm exaggerating for comedic effect. You may think that the movie had some redeeming qualities to it. Nope. It was in reality one of the worst movies I've ever seen, right up there with Batman and Robin, North, and Twilight. It was the worst shit I've seen in an animated movie; it was worse than Shrek Forever After or WALL-E. Yes, I hated WALL-E. I'll talk about that another time.
So, what did I hate so much about this movie? Well, the jokes were stupid, the plot was barely there, the animation was off, and the universe itself was terrifying and confusing. Now, was there anything I liked about this movie? Yes. Actually, no. There wasn't. Never mind.
Let's start with the jokes. I'm starting with them because they were essentially the whole purpose of the movie. The whole reason this movie was put together was to make some robot puns. And you know what? They were stupid. I laughed maybe 5 times in the entire course of the movie. That wasn't nearly the worst part, though.
The plot just didn't make any sense. From what I could gather, the main character, Rodney, went to the big city to meet his hero and follow his dreams, only to find that the former has mysteriously vanished. He goes searching for him, and he finds him in the FIRST PLACE HE LOOKS. I'm not kidding. When I was watching this movie, I thought that search would take up most of it, and the climax would come shortly after. Nope, they found him in literally the first place they looked: IN HIS HOUSE. Anyway, the company has been taken over, though it's never explained how, by an evil robot who is trying to make money. HOW ABSURD! Rodney beats him in the end, and that is all there is to say about it.
Now let's talk about the animation. I don't know what it is, I just found something a bit disturbing about how this film was animated. The animation was only mediocre, but there was something else about all the scenery that really annoyed me. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the whole atmosphere of this place just seems off.
Which brings us to the worst part of the movie, the world itself. There are so many disturbing or illogical things about this world. For example, all the people are robots, but they also have smaller robots to do their work for them. Is this slavery? Next, in the beginning of the movie, it shows Rodney's parents putting together a baby Rodney, then giving him different parts and voice chips slowly over time. Why not just build an adult? You're basically wasting years upon years. Also, as it's pointed out several times throughout the film, the robots have genitalia. Why? No reason at all. But that's not the messed up part. In the climactic battle scene that is followed by two or three more climactic battle scenes, Fender, voiced by Robin Williams, loses his legs. He finds another pair of legs to wear... and they're a woman's legs. This means that for the last half hour of the film or so, he has female genitalia. This is a kids' movie, by the way. The most disturbing part, and yes, this does mean there is something more disturbing than Robin Williams going through an instant sex change, is one of the supporting characters who lost his voice chip. He spends a majority of the movie looking for a new one. The chip is somehow inserted via swallowing. At one point during the movie, the character is rummaging through garbage looking for a voice chip, when he finds one. He swallows it, and immediately starts behaving like a dog. In another part, he finds a different voice chip, swallows it, and immediately starts acting like Darth Vader. Think about that for a little bit. Isn't it horrifying?
End transmission.