Sunday, June 16, 2013

Man of Steel Kinda Sucks

By the power of Grayskull, David Goyer, what happened to you? Remember when you used to write epic superhero movies? Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Now all you do is write video games and rush endings. It's as if Nolan hands you projects and you get really in to it, but then you just give up halfway through. And I'm not pleased with Nolan, either. This is his second highly anticipated, smash hit, disappointing movie in a row. What's next for you guys, anyway? Goyer is doing Godzilla, Metal Gear Solid, and Man of Steel 2? It's sad that the most likely to succeed out of those three movies is Godzilla. And there'd better be a Justice League movie before Man of Steel 2, one with a different director and different writer. And what's Nolan doing? Interstellar? Yeah, I'm sure that will be a smash hit؟ But anyway, enough about the people, let's talk about the movie.
At the beginning, we get a far-too-lengthy intro in which Jor decides to save his son Kal from the destruction of Krypton. But Zod gets mad and kills Jor. That's all. I don't think we needed ten minutes for that. In fact, I feel like the part where Zod stabs Jor should have been how the whole scene went. It was sudden and shocking. And hilarious. You were expecting there to be some sort of big fight that culminated in a devastating blow, but nope. Just a quick stab to the gut and Jor-El dies almost instantly. I think it would have been very funny if they didn't let any of that prologue sink in, and just sort of let it happen how it would have happened. Also, we see way too many shots of the baby's penis.
This sets the tone for the entire movie. Epic, confusing, and just plain boring. The first hour keeps cutting back and forth between adult Clark and child Clark, it's entirely too confusing. The last hour is basically one drawn-out fight that pits Superman, Lois, and the military against Zod. At the end, Superman snaps Zod's neck and kills him. I am DEAD SERIOUS. SUPERMAN KILLS THE FIRST VILLAIN HE ENCOUNTERS. In the end, Zod's ship and henchmen just kinda disappear or something, I think, and Superman takes on his bumbling reporter alter ego. This is different from the comics because Lois actually knows that Clark is Superman from the getgo. But yeah, it's really boring, really confusing, and in my opinion, Zod wasn't theatrical enough. There were no "kneel before Zod" moments. They also didn't show us the Phantom Zone, which is probably for the best because I would not have been able to take this movie seriously if they did. However, I do believe that if they could find the right writers, and the right directors, Justice League still has the potential to be something great. On a final note, in true Nolan fashion, during Superman and Zod's climactic fight scene, Supes throws Zod into a Lexcorp truck. Fuck yeah. All in all, I give this movie a B-. Why would I give it a B-? Because despite its flaws, there were also a few things I liked about this movie. And all in all, the good and the bad almost balance out.
Almost. It wasn't any worse than, say, The Dark Knight Rises. But that's not saying much. Let's hope that Wolverine, Kick-Ass 2, and Thor 2 are better.
End transmission!