Sunday, July 28, 2013

Review: Wolverine is Confusing, Predictable, and Dark. But Good.

Well, Days of Future Past is less than a year away, and I'm finally getting excited about it. Why, you may ask? The Wolverine. You see, most X-Men movies fall into one of two categories, the great and the terrible. In fact, it's even more simple than that. Every X-Men movie from before 2005 is great, and every X-Men movie from after 2005 is terrible. But now it seems the curse has been broken. Or at least, retooled. You see, Wolverine is good. Not really good, in fact it's about as good as Man of Steel, but still good. So, what does this mean? Has the X-Men curse finally been broken, or has it been changed so that every X-Men movie from 2005 to 2012 is bad, and every movie before and after those years, respectively, is good? Read on to find out.
Let's start with what's good about this movie. A lot. But as you may expect from a Wolverine movie, my favorite part was Logan. He was funny, he was cool, he was the all-around badass you were hoping for. I think people were expecting him to be turned into a wuss, like Iron Man 3. Not that Iron Man 3 was bad. But the good news is, that didn't happen. Even when he didn't have his healing powers, he cut his own chest and pulled a spider off of his heart. THAT is Wolverine. Like I said three lines up, he was also hilarious. His Clint Eastwood demeanor and sarcastic remarks had the whole audience laughing out loud. But not all his jokes went over very well. Remember that "Fuck you, Sally" line from Oblivion? You know, the only good part of the movie? Well, this movie had basically the same joke. But it wasn't funny.
Now, let's talk about Viper. She seems to be one of the things people complain the most about when it comes to this movie. And they have all the right to. She sucked. They took one of the most interesting X-Men villainesses and turned her into Serleena from Men in Black 2. I mean, literally. She is almost exactly like Serleena. She's also a mutant in this movie. Yep. Viper is a mutant. They actually made Viper into a mutant who could poison people by kissing them and shed her skin like a lizard. For those of you who don't know, Viper is not a mutant in the comics. She's just a really smart gymnast. Those two people don't sound very similar at all, do they?
Also, it was predictable. And confusing. And slow at times. Did I mention confusing? It was really confusing. Especially in the third act, where Wolverine didn't have his powers, and then he did have them, and then Yashida had them, but he didn't, he was just about to have them, and then... Yeah, it was really confusing. Also, Silver Samurai is in it. It was supposed to be some kind of big reveal when Yashida becomes the Silver Samurai, but anyone who knows who the Silver Samurai is would know that from the start.
That brings me to my final gripe. It was predictable. Really, really predictable. There was nothing in this movie I didn't expect. Everything that happened was built up to in not-so-subtle ways. It was awful. But it was good. Believe it or not, I actually really liked this movie. Well, let me rephrase that. I liked this movie. It was fine. I'd say it was a B-. It certainly isn't the best X-Men movie (X2), but it certainly is the most recent good one.
So, that's The Wolverine. Not great, not bad. Oh, also, there was an after-credits scene. And it was awesome. You see, it takes place two years after the end of the movie, for some reason. Logan is at an airport, for some reason. Seriously, why aren't they explaining anything? Anyway, he begins to notice that coins and keys and other small metals are getting all wonky. That's when Magneto shows up. He tells Logan that he needs his help to stop a new enemy to all of mutantkind. Wolvy asks him why he should trust him, to which Magneto says to look around. He finds that time has stopped. This is when, from behind a corner, Professor X shows up. The explanation for why he's not dead? He has special powers. That's all. Now, just from reading this description, you might not be that thrilled by the post-credits scene. But trust me, it was awesome. Even though the hype has been building for months, this is the first thing that actually got me excited for DoFP. So, that's going to be good, but is the curse truly broken?
Well, the next two X-Men movies after it will likely be Deadpool and X-Force. In X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Deadpool sucked, but if he's written well, and the character is totally revamped, his solo movie could work. I wish I could say what I thought about X-Force, but I don't know which X-Force it's going to be. However, I will be releasing a list of the current X-Men movies, in order from best to worst, later this week. There will also be a review of either Smurfs 2 or RIPD later this week, and probably no reviews next week. I'll think of something to write about, but there won't be any good movies out. Maybe I'll do a Late Entry for RED 2 if it works out.
Story is end!